It’s summer!! I had to type out those words in order for them to feel real. I’m having a hard time believing it’s July already. Right now, I have no concept of time, or how to show up in the world. Everything feels weird, and my normally vocal self can’t seem to find any words I want to share, let alone articulate complete sentences most days — it’s quite amusing how awkward I’ve been lately.
I’m a deep processor, and tend to use our monthly communications to share my insides with you. Writing is a healing practice for me, because it gives me the time I need to get the deep, wiggly feelings into clear, coherent thoughts I can share. Plus, my hope is that by sharing, you’ll see that I’m human like you. Then, we can all create a little permission to be more gracious with ourselves, and be okay that we don’t all have it together right now. (And the ones that act like they do, don’t either.)
We are in a marathon of change; please don’t treat it like a sprint.
The world is calling us to change, to wake up, and it’s tempting to throw everything we have at the process; however, for some of us, it feels like being rushed by others. Taking a pause to reassess and look within doesn’t mean you’re lazy. It means you care about what’s happening and want to move from a place of love and inspired action. The real challenge presented to us is to constantly ask “why”; why do I feel, think, or behave this way?
This world transition is a beautiful thing!!! And, it may take time for some of us to settle into the newness we’re being called to show up in — that’s okay.
Long lasting change is a process. Making and remaking ourselves takes time, and I am not there yet! I don’t even know what “there” Heidi looks like. I ask myself every day — how am I supposed to know where I stand if I don’t know who that person is yet? It’s a tricky process of writing the map as you travel it, but self discovery happens by knowing yourself to your core. So I’m working on asking myself questions that keep me moving in the direction I know I want to go.
- What’s my intention behind my behavior or my words?
- Am I moving forward from a place that I’m committed to, or am I reacting to the world around me?
- What are my core beliefs, and do they still serve me?
- Am I holding myself and others accountable to reach beyond what we know is true in this moment?
- Am I holding myself and others with grace and compassion as we learn this new way of being?
The answers I uncover might not always be pleasant to digest during this marathon of rebuilding — I’m still human, and I make mistakes — and if asking these questions triggers old behaviors and thought patterns (like the need for me to get it “right” or be perfect at something before I even know what that something is), I take a deep breath, and redirect my attention and energy to what’s most important: change. I trust that if I follow the breadcrumbs, our new normal will start to reveal herself.
I know I haven’t thought of everything, and am still learning who I am, in this new world. I would love to hear from you. How has this process of change been for you? We’ve had a lot happen in the first half of 2020. How are you growing? I think it’s important we keep this conversation alive and learn from one another.
